Thoughtful gifts for someone living with dementia
With the holidays approaching, I’ve been thinking about gifts.
What do you give someone whose memory and abilities are changing?
I learned a great deal about that while caring for my mother, who had Alzheimer’s disease. My book, Who Will Take Care of Mom?, grew out of those years. I’d like to use this space to share some of what I learned along the way—some from my own experience, some from others who have walked this road, and some from what I’m still learning.
I think the best place to start is with the person, not the diagnosis.
Start with the Person
My mother had always been artistic. As her dementia progressed, she enjoyed coloring books. She loved big band music and Broadway tunes, especially songs from earlier in her life. She liked going for rides in the car and watching old movies and, to my surprise, became a fan of the Western channel. And she loved her little stuffed dog.
None of these were “Alzheimer’s gifts.”
They were things my mother liked.
When someone is experiencing cognitive decline, we can become so focused on what they can no longer do that we forget to look for what they still enjoy.
So before you start shopping, think about the person you know.
What did they always enjoy? What still interests them? What feels familiar?
Maybe it’s music, photographs, a favorite movie, gardening, cooking, animals, art, or a hobby they have enjoyed for years. The activity may need to be simplified, but the interest may still be there.
Sometimes Time Is the Best Gift
And sometimes the best gift is something you do together.
Take a ride. Listen to music. Watch an old movie. Look through photographs. Bake something familiar. Sit together.
You don’t have to fill every minute. Sometimes sharing the time is the gift.
It’s also important to consider what the person can comfortably and safely use now. Something they once loved may have become frustrating or difficult. A complicated electronic device isn’t much of a gift if it creates more frustration than pleasure.
Remember the Caregiver, Too
And don’t forget the caregiver.
A meal, an offer to run an errand, help with a chore—or simply spending time with their loved one so they can have a little time for themselves—can be a wonderful gift.
My mother is gone now, but those simple moments are part of what I remember.
That is one of the reasons I wrote Who Will Take Care of Mom? Not just to tell the story of what happened, but to remember the person at the center of it.
So as you think about gifts this holiday season, perhaps ask yourself a different question.
Not “What should I buy someone with dementia?”
But “What would bring this person pleasure?”
And you don’t have to wait for a holiday. A favorite song, a car ride, a movie, or an hour spent together can make an ordinary day special, too.
