A video about Halloween and dementia appeared on my Facebook feed recently and gave me pause. As I watched it, I found myself thinking about my mother. I wish I had thought more carefully about Halloween when she was alive.
Halloween is a time when many of us enjoy decorating our homes, driving around to see the decorations, and watching children in their costumes. But I hadn’t considered how some of these things might look to someone living with dementia.
We may see a funny skeleton, a witch, or a decoration that suddenly jumps out at us and laugh. But someone living with dementia may not understand that it is pretend. What looks cute or entertaining to us might be frightening or confusing to them.
I also hadn’t considered how decorations might appear when driving around at night. Something we enjoy seeing could be unsettling to someone who doesn’t understand what they’re looking at.
There are a few other things to think about, too. The doorbell ringing over and over, unfamiliar faces behind masks, and children in costumes coming to the door can be confusing or upsetting. Decorations that scream, move suddenly, or have flashing lights may also cause distress.
So, what can we do?
We can make a few changes without giving up the holiday altogether. Instead of scary decorations, we might choose pumpkins, fall leaves, or other familiar seasonal items. If answering the door becomes stressful, we can arrange for someone to stay with our loved one or find another way to handle trick-or-treaters.
Halloween can still be a time to enjoy together. Perhaps it’s painting a pumpkin, listening to favorite music, watching a familiar movie, or enjoying a favorite treat. We don’t have to recreate the Halloween celebrations of the past. We can find something that feels good in the present.
The important thing is to pay attention to how our loved one responds. What one person enjoys may be uncomfortable for another.
I didn’t think about all of these things when my mother was alive. Sometimes we don’t realize how an ordinary activity might look through someone else’s eyes until something makes us stop and think.
For more information, the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America has some helpful suggestions in Halloween & Dementia: What Family Caregivers Need to Know.
A little thoughtfulness can make a difference. We may need to celebrate differently, but we can still find ways to enjoy the season together.
